She is in my trunk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
