I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
