I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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