Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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