there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize