I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
handjob tips. give me some.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
