So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
