yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
