Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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