need another drink. this is the easiest way
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
