Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
