Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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