ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
