I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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