he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
