I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
