i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
