I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
