Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
