Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
