So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
