What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
