forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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