when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
