i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
