hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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