If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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