I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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