There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize