just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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