and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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