Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
