You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
