The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
