I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
