sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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