There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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