bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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