Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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