Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
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My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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