dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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