No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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