My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
