I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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