you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
