My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize