Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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