My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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