Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
