Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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