it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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