no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
