Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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