My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
