you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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